Three Days and an Airplane
by Kaen
Summary: A rather plotless take on what would happen if you managed to get the cast of Seimaden on an airplane. It's not AU, but it is definitely weird. Please R&R!


Three Days and an Airplane Part 1: Airline Industries Shall Never Know Greater Fear 

By Kaen

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

The small private jet sailed through the air at a pleasant height of twenty-five thousand feet, its shining frame catching the sun's benign rays that shown brightly and unobstructed by clouds. Along the plane's side ran a thick red stripe from the jet's nose to its tail, but no company name or trademark was offered anywhere on the craft. Given the events occurring onboard this seemingly innocent craft, there may have actually been a very good reason that no company name was offered. After all, who really wanted to take responsibly? 

"Jiji, I really don't think you should be doing that…" meekly suggested a rather irked Hilda, who was cowering in her window seat. "I mean, I know that there's smoking allowed in the private planes, but testing the flammability of the carpet…"

The psychotic ninja-girl of Bavaria glanced up menacingly from her crouched position in the middle of the wide aisle. It appeared that she had been using her own body to shelter the small sparks from the ever so slight drafts that threatened to extinguish them. In her eyes was an almost startled gleam that really seemed to border more on outrage.

"You don't _like my beautiful red flowers of flame?" she growled venomously, her eyes narrowing. "I bet master Berk loves my red flower of-"_

"Yes, Jiji, they're very nice. Now please. Come. Sit. Down," Berk ordered with a forced ordinance, placing down his glass of blood red whine on the plastic tray table firmly.

"Yes, Master!" Jiji jumped at the offer, completely abandoning her cause in order to go swoon over everyone's favorite rich and powerful pervert. Well, at least for now, that is.

Everyone let out of simultaneous heavy sigh of relief as they crawled out of their respective hiding places. Laures, who had somehow managed to completely conceal himself behind his princess, looked cautiously over Hilda's shoulder while Asubaru, the master of disguise, clawed his way out of the overhead storage rack. Rodrique all but fell out of the cockpit of the craft, but was caught around the waist by a pair of lithe arms. Karon steadied the boy and then seized the opportunity to hit on him.

"Are you all right, Rod?" he asked in a light voice, a voice that contradicted the fact that Karon was tightening his arms around Rodrique and pulling him against himself. 

"I'm fine. Now, please let… me… go…" Rodrique requested, his voice losing its tone of resolution as Karon's hands began to snake over his chest teasingly. 

"Big brother, what are you doing?" Iria questioned innocently, stroking her hideous bird. 

Her question fell on deaf ears. 

 Sherill felt her pulse rate slow to a remotely normal, but it quickly picked up again as she noticed Zadei, the shogun of demons, cowering behind a flight attendant apron. The sight itself wouldn't have been so horrifying if only hadn't been wearing the apron at the time, therefore revealing his fishnet-clad legs and his miniskirt. Sherill passed out in terror.

Zadei slowly lowered the flight-attendant apron, eventually letting it just fall to its normal fitting. He was oblivious to the quizzical stares that he was receiving from all the conscious beings aboard the private jet as he smoothed the frilly white garment down with his chicken-hand. When he was satisfied, Zadei finally decided to look up, immediately observing the frightened/questioning glances that he was receiving from everyone else. Everyone except for one, that is…

"Muffin!" Zadei cried melodramatically, his amber eyes scanning over all aboard quickly in search of his "breakfast delicacy". "Where'd you go, muffin? Tetei-chan, shnooky-wooky? Oh, Tetei-chan!"

At this point, the shogun of demons was reduced to a sobbing wreck as he realized that his reluctant angel was nowhere to be found. Berk raised an eyebrow, turning away from the rather pathetic sight in order to do something so normal as read the newspaper. When he rotated, however, he was mildly alarmed by the towering newspaper monster that sat shivering next to him. It resembled a large blob of printed pages, standing about three feet tall off the seat with a single angel wing poking out from its back. 

"Could it be 'muffin'?" Jiji wondered aloud, happily crawling over Birk in order to fetch one of the feathers that rested on and around the seat. 

She picked up a soft, white feather and held it up for closer inspection, ignoring the anguished sobs coming from the back of the plane (which was rather difficult to do). Rolling it with her fingers a couple times, she dismissed her notion.

"Nah. But, still I wonder…" Reaching out, she jabbed at quivering blob. 

Suddenly, a yellow spot began to spread over the papers and Jiji wasted no time in retracting her hand. All fell silent, minus Zadei, as they observed with great disgust the quickly permeating liquid. The newspaper ruffled once, twice, and there a couple more time before they spontaneously exploded.

"Oh, shit! I spilled my Mountain Dew!" cried a rather flustered angel-demon, waving around an empty plastic cup. Along the front of his robe ran a deep yellowish-green stain. Static was causing his usually very elegant long white locks to stand up at odd angles, while feathers mingled with the shreds of the unfortunate newspaper on their way down. He began to use his free hand in attempt to brush the soda off, but to no avail. It was right about now that he happened to look up, and was met with more repulsed stares than even Zadei had been greeted with, if possible. Even Karon had stopped sliding his hand up Rod's inner thigh so that they could both stare without other… distractions. Teteiusu let out a nervous laugh, but was still greeted with silence, until…

"MUFFIN!" cried the overjoyed shogun of demons, launching himself at Teteiusu.

Poor "muffin" barely had any time to react to this affectionate onslaught and was quickly pinned on his back, Zadei muttering terms of endearment such as "Oh, Pooky! I thought I'd lost you!" or "Sweetie-pie, shnooky-wookims…" 

"Zadei, I'm fine. Now please.. What the _hell are you wearing?!" Tetei sputtered, noticing the other demon's unique outfit that's effect was completed by the pair of high-heel shoes and lacy petticoats._

"I'm your flight attendant!" Zadei announced proudly, once again smoothing out the imaginary wrinkles. "I figured that they wouldn't let me on the plane otherwise, so-"

"-You stole a flight attendant's suitcase, didn't you?" Tetei finished, gritting his teeth together in annoyance. 

They had already had one hell of a time just getting through airport security. Between Teteiusu not being able to fit himself through the metal detector due to his with large wing, which had been ingeniously concealed by a paper bag, and Hilda continuously setting of the alarm due to the sword of the Azel, they were not very liked. Hilda had held up the line for nearly twenty minutes as the security personnel insisted that she remove one article of clothing after another, determined to find this "concealed weapon" and, personally, Tetei had never seem Laures so irritable. Finally, the emperor of demons just blew up the machine when Hilda was been forced to strip down to her underwear. After that, they just assumed that the machine must have been malfunctioning. 

But now Zadei had held up a perfectly innocent flight attendant in order to steal her luggage. Perfect, just perfect. And right as he thought PMS had already taken its toll on his nerves…

"Well, actually, I didn't steal a suitcase," Zadei announced proudly, still hovering over the trapped demon. 

"You didn't?!" Tetei gasped, his heart filling with pride to know that Zadei might not have been as stupid as he usually was. He gazed directly into his eyes, searching for the truth.

"Nope! I just dragged one behind a locker, and traded clothes! She's still got lots of stuff in that suitcase of hers, I bet! Aren't you so proud of me, Tetei-chan?"

Teteiusu groaned, feeling the presence of an insetting headache. Right when he was getting his hopes up that there was still room for a brain to develop in the barren wasteland that was Zadei's head…

"Get. Off. Now," Tetei warned with as much malice as a PMS-ing angel-demon on an already bad day could muster. 

When Zadei didn't immediately comply, he was set off. 

"You are such a moron! You already had a plane ticket! You were _invited to come along. Didn't you notice what the little piece of paper that I gave you was at the security checkpoint was? It was your ticket! You didn't need to stowaway!"_

"Security? You mean the place with the beeping metal box and tunnel ride?" Zadei interrupted for clarification.

"Yes! I mean, no! I mean… You weren't supposed to go on the tunnel ride! I mean- It wasn't meant to be a tunnel ride! It's not even a _ride…" _

Teteiusu briefly wondered how such a simple statement could be so utterly confusing. He screamed, and everyone else on the plane smiled good-naturedly. It was nice to see that things were back to normal with those two again. Well, just about as normal as it will ever be, anyway…

But instead of reveling in the "happiness" of one lover and one unfortunate soul like everyone else, Karon had other plans. He reminded Rodrique of his presence by pressing warm kisses to the side of his neck. A deep flush stained our hero's face, and he reached behind him with the intention of shoving the lord of the dead away, but his hands were captured in one of Karon's.

"Let's go back o the cockpit," Karon suggested, sliding his free hand around Rod's waist again. 

But before Rodrique could even answer, he had been swept up and all that remained where he had been was a tightly closed cockpit door. 

"Big brother, whatever are you doing?" Iria asked again, wrapping against the door lightly with the back of her hand. 

"Go away," was the muffled response.

Iria was obviously insulted by the indignant retort of her brother and looked about ready to throw open the door when a steadying hand rested on her shoulder.

"I think you should let them be alone for a little while," Asubaru wisely recommended. 

Truth be told, he wasn't to fond of the idea of the lord of the dead being strongly attracted to the hero of the Azel's hot pants, but no one with half a brain was going to argue.

"But what's going on in there?" Iria pouted.

"Eh… They're... bonding. Yes, they're just getting to know each other better," he fumbled for the appropriate words to describe the situation in the most innocent way possible.  

He put on his best cheesy/convincing grin, nervously wrenching his hands together behind his back as he sidestepped the girl in order to stand in front of the door. 

"Oh, like a tea party!" she commented absently.

Asubaru nodded, doing all within his power to get the bubbly girl to forget the circumstances. And it seemed to work. She soon turned away and he escorted her to a seat towards the back. In the very back row, actually- just to be safe. But as Asubaru was returning to his post by the cockpit door and stepping around the unusual pairing that was still on the middle of the aisle, something quite unexpected happened. A half-clothed and warm-looking Karon slid open the door with one hand, glancing out into the cabin. 

"Hey, Zadei! You're the flight attendant, right?" He addressed the one of the figures still on the floor, who nodded slowly.

"Good! Why don't you bring me four, no eight… how about all the pillows on this plane?"

Zadei's eyes grew very round as he grip on his beloved fell slack. Teteiusu heaved a great sigh of relief and then scampered off to lock himself in the bathroom while Zadei was still distracted by Karon's self-incriminating position. Assuming the responsibilities like a good maid, however, Zadei pushed himself off the floor and proceeded to gather all the pillows in the plane. Since it was a luxury plane booked with Berk's money, there were numerous pillows. So many, in fact, that Zadei had to make three trips before he could bring them all. 

"Thank you," was all Karon quickly offered before accepting the many airline pillows and slamming the cockpit door shut once again. 

"Big brother?" a grating voice shattered the silence and a nervous laugh met the question.  

Birk carefully set down his newspaper and stood up, moving to a seat closer to the cockpit. He was followed by Jiji, who shared his interest in "all things beautiful." Hell, if you were around him for as long as she was, you'd probably be a pervert, too.  

Now Laures, who had been watching the unfolding scenes with silent amusement, was the recipient of an interesting revelation: if Karon and Rodrique were in the cockpit of the plane screwing each other, than _who was actually flying the plane? It was indeed a question that brought him a good deal of worry and in response he found himself glancing out the window. Come to think of it, the cruising level of the plane did seem to be a bit off…_

"Laures, pay attention to me!" Hilda fussed, yanking on Laures' arm. 

"But there's-" he tried to explain.

"You don't love me anymore?" Hilda pouted, her eyes filling up with tears. "There's another woman, isn't there? Laures, you player! I hate you!" 

With this, she slapped him across the face, laving a red outline of a hand. She stood up indignantly and strode to the other side of the plane, a full twenty-six feet away. Laures had given up on trying to analyze these mood swings, and usually found the best solution to be to just let her vent for a while. Besides, he needed to come to terms with the situation that they were facing. He was almost certain that this plane had had a real pilot at some point. It was explaining what happened between point A and point B that it got a bit more difficult. 

Suddenly, a faint crackling could be heard overhead. 

_"Ah… no, we shouldn't… Not here… Ah!"_

_"What are you complaining about? I got you those pillows, didn't I?" _

_"But… but! Ah! Karon! We shouldn't…"_

_ "Why not?"_

_"Because…you don't love me!"___

_"But I like your hot pants…Isn't that as good of reason as any?"_

_"Uh!__ …Maybe…"_

_"Good. Now, just be still…"_

Pant, pant, gasp, pant… 

All those remotely sane stared at the overhead speaker with wide eyes, while the perverted searched in vain for a way to raise up the volume on the intercom. 

"I guess… they… bumped the intercom button," Hilda reasoned quietly, suddenly wishing that she hadn't left Laures' side so quickly. Right about now just about anyone would want to be held.  

_"Ah!"_

The plane jerked violently to the right, sending everyone aboard lurching to the left and awakening the evil that is Rabi. 

"What's going on?" he asked sleepily, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes.

"Nothing!" chirped Iria. "They're just having a tea party!"

"Oh," with that, the evil child managed to doze back off to sleep. Silently, Asubaru thanked whatever god there may be for air-headed girls that did the quick (and relatively mindless) talking. 

That did not, however, correct the problem of the jet doing a full U-turn in midair. Laures was more aware of this than anyone, as he also felt the ominous feeling of the auto-pilot being switched on, although probably unintentionally. He had to hand it to Rod- the kid got around better than he would've thought. 

"Laures! I've missed you!" a hyper voice greeted, breaking the emperor of demons' concentration once again. 

A deceptively human-like figure plopped into Laures' lap, giggling like a school girl, except for the fact that he wasn't a girl. The blue halter top did throw one off a bit, though.

"Marion," Laures stated flatly. "What are you doing here? You're supposed to be dead."

"Well, Birk's supposed to be dead, too, now isn't he? And then there's also Jiji, and Iria, and Sherill, and-"

"I see your point. What do you want?" Laures interrupted, determined to end this conversation as quickly as possible.

"I just wanted to see you! Didn't you miss me?" Marion cooed. Even through it'd been over two hundred years since he'd last seen his "heir", his feelings of adoration didn't seem to waver at all.

"No. And I don't like you, either."

"Why not?" Marion whined, playing with some strands of Laures' ebony black hair. 

"Because you killed Erise and made me become a demon. But, most of all, you killed Erise," Laures shot a glare at the demon curling up in his lap. 

"I didn't _mean it…"_

A loud moan sounded from the speaker above, cutting Laures off from anything he was going to fire back at the "retired" king of demons. He made a small growl in the back of his throat in annoyance, diverting his eyes to anything but the affectionate squirming bundle in his arms. Finally settling at the window, Laures returned to his task of determining where they were. Surely the snowy mountainous ranges below couldn't be anywhere near Jamaica. Actually, it looked more like they were returning to Bavaria…

Tug, tug. Yank, pull, cling, squirm.

"What are you doing?" Laures snapped, his patience waning.

The only answer the Marion deemed him worthy of was a loud snore, and it became apparent that the previous king of demons had turned his successor into a pillow; a very irritable and evil pillow. Between the gasps coming from overhead, his worst enemy asleep in his lap, and his princess being pissed at him, Laures couldn't decide which was worse. Suddenly, Zadei paraded by him in his flight attendant outfit, and Laures indefinitely decided that Teteiusu had it much worse than him. Infinitely worse than him, just to clarify. 

"Tetei? Where'd you go now, you naughty little angel?" Zadei called, raising a hand over his eyes as if by doing so he would see better.

A loud clunk resounded from the only bathroom on the plane, followed by a long series of obscenities. Zadei's eyes brightened and he rushed to the back of the plane, tugging on the latrine door. A shriek could be heard from inside, as well a several other loud bangs and thuds. 

"Tetei-chan, muffin. Are you all right?" Zadei asked innocently, not realizing how embarrassing the question had been for his beloved. 

"I'm fine. Leave me alone." 

Tetei tightly gripped the microscopic door handle from the inside of the compartment with all his might. He had had a hard enough time just cramming his damn wing into the tiny area, so like hell was he going to surrender so easily! 

For several minutes, the tug-o-war over the position of the flimsy door continued. Both Tetei and Zadei managed to hold their ground, however, neither retreating nor conquering. Their determination was equally matched, with Tetei refusing to give in to Zadei and Zadei swearing that he'd be damned if he let a latrine door kept him from his love. Battle auras flared, causing the plane's lights to waver. For all the world, it looked exactly like a Dragonball Z battle, complete with strange-sounding grunts and battle cries.

"Dork!!" Zadei yelled in frustration. He was preparing to blow the damn door off its hinges, a chi ball already forming around his demon hand. 

A light tap on his shoulder brought him out of his rage as he spun around and glared at the person who dared interrupt his quest for dominance. 

"Um…" Hilda began nervously, repeatedly touching her two forefingers together. "I sort of have to go, so if you guys wouldn't mind calling it quits for a minute or two…"

Zadei fell dead silent, his bug-eyes expression mimicked by Tetei. Just seconds later, the "occupied" sign turned to "vacant" with a surprisingly loud click that was rivaled by the pants and gasps still coming from the intercom system. Teteiusu was blushing furiously as he worked his way out of the tiny bathroom, and it was right about then that Zadei noticed that Tetei's robe were drenched all down the front from where he had been trying to flush out the Mountain Dew with water. The now thin robe clung to his chest sexily, emphasizing every muscle movement. Before he knew it, Teteiusu was being carried like rescued princess to an empty row by Zadei. Hilda remained wisely silent throughout the entire ordeal, and did her best to not mind the terrified screeches that Tetei was emitting as she stepped into the only restroom. 

From somewhere towards the back of the plane, a squeaky voice randomly proclaimed, "This is a really cool song! Raise it up!"

Asubaru was the only one who even let this comment register since everyone else was trying to ignore Karon's shallow sister and he had taken the responsibly upon himself to keep the innocent girl away from the cockpit. He merely shook his head in despair and piled another blanket over Rabi's ears to prevent him from awakening to hear the "music."

Oblivious to Iria's comment, Tetei had continued screaming as Zadei was attempting to undress him. It was one of the screams that reached the ears of Jiji, who had long ago decided to hate Teteiusu, although even she forgot the exact reason why. Regardless, she armed herself with a plastic butter knife and dropped to all fours, skulking to the angel-demon's row. When Jiji actually reached the desired area, however, she found that only Tetei's feet were visible since the rest of him was trapped under Zadei. Shrugging, she yanked off an ugly boot and commenced to sawing at one of his toes. 

"Ow! What the… Jiji, that had better not be you. Ow! Stop it!" Teteiusu pleaded, already in a helpless position.

Jiji cackled while muttering something about getting revenge for Master Berk, but then in just faded into incoherent babbling about beautiful red flowers of flames and such. Tetei got the vague impression of his foot catching on fire, and was unnerved even more than he already was. 

But then the sawing suddenly ceased. 

Zadei had pulled up just slightly in order to undo the fasteners on Tetei's drenched rode, so Tetei once again seized the moment to sit up and see his savior. 

Sherill stood proudly in the aisle, wielding her guitar-like instrument. At her feet was an unconscious Jiji, who had small chibi-Berks encircling her head. Teteiusu's eyes were aglow with gratitude, but in them were also hints of pleading. Although one major problem had already been taken care of, he was still trapped beneath the shogun of demons and was not too pleased about it. Sherill nodded in understanding and reached over, seizing Zadei by the back of his collar. Letting out a mighty cry, Sherill lifted Zadei up with one arm and threw him clear over her shoulder with what appeared to be minimal effort. He collided with the wall in an upside-down position, a startled expression dominant on his face, and somehow managed to defy gravity for a few seconds before sliding down the rounded wall and landing on his head. He was rendered unconscious and Sherill sighed, wiping the imaginary dirt of her hands.

"You saved me…" Tetei's eyes filled with love.

When Sherill raised her eyes to meet his, however, she let out a high-pitched squeal and threw herself on the half-clothed demon, placing Tetei in a position that somehow reminded him of the one that he had just been in. But then again, he also liked Sherill a lot more than he did Zadei, not to mention that she was much lighter than he was… Within a matter of seconds, he found himself returning her affectionate embrace. He had to briefly ponder, though, what her innate strength had unexpectedly sprouted from. Sherill, somehow sensing his befuddlement, let out a small, unconvincing cough.

Meanwhile, Laures had already been accused of cheating on Hilda with the adorable, yet sinister, demon asleep in his lap and had barely dodged a soaring Zadei, was "piloting" the plane. After Hilda gotten over the initial shock of realizing that Marion was a boy and was indeed prettier than her, she had returned to Laures to get the real story. Finding it to be somehow _less offending than what she had thought, she had curled up next to Laures and had drifted off to the "music' of Rodrique and Karon. So Laures, with the only two people with power over him asleep __on him and impairing his movements, piloted the plane. _

After battling the autopilot psychically, he had succeeded in overriding it and was currently working on landing the craft. He guided it with subtle flicks of his wrists and positions of his fingers, since that was all that he had any mobility over at the moment. Satisfied with the plane's rate of descent of for the moment, he stole a glance at the two asleep on top of him. Laures really had no clue how the hell Hilda could feel so comfortable sleeping next to the one who had murdered her past incarnation. And rather brutally, too, he might add.

He looked out the window again to check their status. Judging by the landscape and the architecture of the buildings, they were probably flying low somewhere over Eastern Europe. Perhaps even closer to the Middle East? How did they get to the Middle East by deciding to take a vacation to Jamaica? Laures decided to stop pondering from a point A to point B perspective- the letters would probably get up to "W" before it was all explained. 

His eyes scanned over the city below, searching for a landing spot since he figured that they were probably almost out of fuel in the dinky plane. Upon finding one, he simply stopped the plane in midair. Yes, it just stopped. Miraculously, no one aboard noticed, but the people below seemed a bit perplexed by the apparition of a frozen jet, hovering just a couple hundred feet over their city. Tightening his grip around Hilda's sleeping form and shoving Marion onto the floor, Laures began lowering the plane. He brought it to rest on top of a building with a pleasingly flat roof, that being the only place to land it in the city without causing too much damage. 

Hilda had already woken up due to Marion's loud complaints and assisted Laures in informing everyone to please get their butts of the plane before the building collapsed. The word "building" caused a few startled glances, but no one commented as they woke up/regained consciousness, were brought back to reality, or, in Karon and Rod's case, got dressed. Asubaru scooped up the groggy-looking Rabi and Tetei carried Sherill as an excuse to not be carried by Zadei, who had recently rejoined the living. Iria stood up, lifting her hideous bird, and smiled placidly. 

"Big brother, your hair is all messed up! Why, what a coincidence, so is Rodrique's!"

Rod blushed furiously, but Karon hugged him unabashed. Everyone else just looked away.

Zadei had opened the door to the aircraft with a bit more strength than was necessary (since he was still thinking of the obstinate bathroom door) and had accidentally torn it off its hinges, flinging it into the unsuspecting crowd that had gathered below. So everyone had been forced exited the plane by jumping down ten feet and landing on top of the building. When it came Birk's turn, the crowd fidgeted in discomfort. Birk had obviously been on the receiving end of a very heavy nosebleed, and the front of his shirt and pants were dyed red. The crowd remained dead silent as everyone else dismounted the plane, although a hushed whisper did rise when Teteiusu emerged, cradling Sherill close to him. 

And before an entire city of somewhere in the Middle East stood fourteen of the most misfit people ever to grace the earth. No, wait… only _thirteen of the most misfit people ever grace the earth. There was someone missing… Suddenly, the plane burst into flames, despite Laures' gentle landing. The roof of the building cracked and began to give way under the fiery weight of the jet, a web of cracked stone forming underneath it. Everyone present on the roof dove down for safety as the plane began to fall tail-first into what appeared to be a building that served some religious function, while the crowd screamed a fled away._

And a faint voice could be heard from the plane on the way down: "_Burn! Burn! Like beautiful red flowers of flame! Mwahahaha!"_

There was a collective silence from the cast before an equally collective screaming of, "JIJI!!!"

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Well, that was probably the most interesting thing that I've ever written. Strange, ne? Don't worry, I didn't cultivate this idea without some help. You see, my friend and I were waiting in an airport to pick somebody up, by the flight was half an hour late. We're doing a Seimaden group cosplay this year for convention, so it was already on our minds. And then we started talking about what would happen if characters from Seimaden were on a plane, and this was the result in short. It was almost too much fun to write, so I really hope you enjoyed it as much as I did. Regardless, though, I would really appreciate some reviews. I live for reviews, and I happen to find this particular story to be especially interesting, so I'd love you forever if you'd just let me know what you thoughts on the story were. Maybe if you can even handle it, I'll write a sequel… ^.~  Ja ne!

-Kaen 


End file.
